If you’ve met one person with ADHD/ADD …

Recently, I’ve heard someone say that “If you met one person with ADHD/ADD, then you’ve met one person with ADHD/ADD.”

Hearing this got me thinking. I was diagnosed at age 12, and hadn’t thought of it like that. But now that I’ve had the chance to learn about ADHD/ADD and talk to others with ADHD/ADD a little, I do have to agree with this saying. There is a lot of truth to this, and I definitely do have to agree with this saying.

I think that there are a few reasons for this saying to be a good saying. And here are some of the reasons, in my opinion.

First of, there is the fact that there are three subtypes of ADHD: the inattentive type; the hyperactive type; and also the combined type. Depending on what type we fall into, our symptoms will differ. I have the inattentive type. So my symptoms might be different from someone who has the hyperactive type, for instance.

Then, there’s also the fact that each person is different. Although some might fall into the same type of ADHD/ADD, it doesn’t mean that we are all the same. Our symptoms may differ. Part of our personalities may or may not fit with ADHD 100%. We may not fit the ADHD mood 100%.

For instance, one issue for ADHDers/ADDers is being on time. So many struggle with being late for an appointment or work or something like that. However, we’re not all like that. I’m the type of person, who is on time for the most part. I’m not saying that I’m never late and I’m not saying that those who are late enjoy being late, but I’m just saying that not all ADHDers/ADDers have the habit of being late for an appointment or something.

So, these are just some reasons why I think we’re all different. We may all have ADHD/ADD, but that doesn’t it’s a one size fits all. We have different personalities and our ADHD/ADD symptoms are different. They’ll differ from one person to another.

So, when someone says “if you meet one person with ADHD/ADD, you’ve met one person with ADHD/ADD”, this is why, in my opinion. We’re just all different.

So, just because we have ADHD, it doesn’t mean that we’re hyperactive or late for appointments or something. We’re all different.

The dreaded to-do list

In my post last week, I did mention make a to-do list. Yes, a to-do list. For some, it may be no big deal. It’s not too much of an issue. However, if you have ADHD/ADD, it can be a daunting thing. It is not something that comes easily to us, for the most part. It doesn’t come naturally. We can easily forget that we even have one, if we did even make one.

I know it’s not something that I’m particularly good with. Making one isn’t too much of an issue for me. It’s really more the rest that can be a challenge. At least, for me, and I imagine for others with ADHD/ADD as well. It seems like a common issue for many. Perhaps not all, but for many.

One of the problems that ADHDers/ADDers may have with to-do lists that we sometimes have a difficult time setting a realistic amount of tasks. We think of so many different things that need to be done and we do try to get things done, but don’t always realize that we can’t.

It’s all fine and dandy that we have 20-30 things that we want to do, but realistically, it doesn’t always work out. Sometimes, one task will take longer to do than we anticipate. Some tasks go unfinished all together, which doesn’t always help.

Why does this happen? Well, our brains are wired differently, and we don’t always have a good concept of time. Plus, there is so much we want to accomplish that we may forget to do something. On top of that, we do think that we can get it done.

This is when to-do lists come in. It can be very useful for ADHDers/ADDers to have a to-do list, as it can help us keep track of things we need to do. We can see what needs to be done.

However, there is something that we need to remember. Our to-do lists may differ from the to-do lists of non-ADHDers/ADDers. Because our brains are wired differently, how we manage things, such as to-do lists, will be different.

There are several ways that we can make a realistic to-list, once that is suited for our ADHD/ADD. There are different methods to make a to-do list, if you have ADHD/ADD. There are many suggestions out there, but are some suggestion that I do think would be useful.

One thing that you can do is group things together. Do similar tasks at the same. If you have some research to do online, do all the research all at once.

Once you’ve accomplished a task, reward yourself. After all, you have accomplished something. Find some way to reward yourself. Sometimes, we need some encouragement, and this may help be able to accomplish something else on our to-do list.

Sometimes we also have to make sure to figure out how long a task might take. We don’t want to overdo it. We shouldn’t create a to-do list that will overwhelm us and is too much for us to handle.

Here are just some suggestions. Some things to keep in mind when doing a to-do list. Although they can be daunting and overwhelming, to-do lists can be very helpful, so long as we make it work for us.

If you are interested in reading more about to-do lists to help ADHDer/ADDers, here are some more articles for you.

Picture credit Pixabay

Working as an ADHDer/ADDer

Working as an ADHDer/ADDer can be a scary thing at times. And can be hard work. Whether you enjoy your job or not, there can be some challenges on the work front. Yes, I know that we can all expect there to be challenges, especially when you have ADHD/ADD. It’s no surprise. So, you may wonder what’s my point? It can be hard for so many.

Well, I do have a point. Yes, it can be a challenge for many people out there. I do agree. However, individuals who have ADHD/ADD and do work have some different sets of challenges than individuals who do not have ADHD/ADD and also work. I’m not saying that either one have it easier or harder. However, I am saying that ADHDers/ADDers have a different set of challenges when at work.

There are several things that we do struggle with (and yes, some of them we can all guess). So, here are some.

One: Focus, or lack thereof. Or maybe hyperfocus. We do have a difficult time focus or things. Or sometimes we focus a little too much. And yes, both can be an issue. I know I have spoken about both before. These can be an issue for us both at home, as well as at work.

Two: Getting and staying organized. This can definitely be important at work, especially if you have a job, which requires it. Many do. In many cases, it is important to be organized and be able to stay on top of all tasks.

Three: Attention to details. Now this is a hard one. Sometimes, it can be difficult for us to pay attention to details. It can be easy to miss information, when reading an email from a co-worker, or an important document. We can easily miss something that is important, something that we do need to remember.

There are more, but these are a few things that do affect us at work, and things that we do struggle with. This is just to give you an idea. And yes, it does affect us at work, just like it does in other aspects of our lives. We do our best to stay organized, stay focus, and just succeed. However, it can be challenging.

It can affect our performance at work and our work itself, as well as our relationship with our co-workers. At times, we do things that may frustrated our co-workers. Granted, we may not always realize it, and we don’t do it intentionally. We don’t always mean to interrupt or be a poor listener at times. It may not be easy for anyone. Unfortunately, they do still happen.

As difficult and challenging as it may be, there are some methods that we can use to be better at what we do, as well as a better co-worker. There are many things that we can do to help us while at work.

Here are a few examples.

One: Write things down. Make a list of things that you need to do or keep track of. Keep it close by and check it regularly. This is something that I do, and I find it useful. It took me some time to get in the habit, but now I do it all the time.

Two: If possible to work in a quiet area, this can be helpful. Although it isn’t always possible, but it can be helpful in a quiet place, or when it is quiet in the office.

Three: Go for a walk, on your lunch break. Get up every now and then to get some water or to the bathroom or something to that effect.

And yes, I do realize that these suggestions aren’t always possible, but these are just examples, and there are other ways that we can find to help us focus on work and be more productive. Sometimes we just need to find some ways to do it and get it done. Or maybe get someone to help us find ways, if needed.

At the end of the day, we may need some methods to help us, but we can still get the work done with a little help.

Here are some articles if you’re interested.

Picture credit Pixabay

Bitter Sweet Moments

This week is quite special and emotional. However, not really due to ADHD. On Wednesday, my eldest started grade 1. And now my middle one (second child, youngest daughter) starts kindergarten today. If you’re in the UK, this would be the equivalent to P1 and P2. My husband and I also had their parent-teacher meeting last night. My second also met with her teachers on Wednesday morning with my husband.

My eldest was really excited to go on the bus on Wednesday. She let us know that she wanted to go on the bus, which was fine. She woke up, got dressed, got her lunch bag and backpack, and wanted to leave for the bus. Forget that the bus wasn’t going to be by for another hour. The smile on her face when she finally got on said it all. She was happy and so ready to go back to school.

I do think that my second is somewhat looking forward to school. However, she has a different personality from her sister. My eldest is outgoing and independent, while my second is a little more shy and reserved. So, when it was time for her to go in, she cried a little. Thankfully, there was staff there to help. So, I’m sure she’ll be okay and she’s in good hands. I’m sure she’ll be fine and have fun, but it was maybe a little overwhelming. It can be. Especially when you’re little and there are so many new people.

As a parent, we all know that at some point, they’re going to grow up and go off and do their own thing. We all know that. After all, they don’t stay little for long. They grow up quickly. However, that being said, it doesn’t that it’s going to be easy to go through. It can be hard. I know I didn’t have an easy time this morning dropping off my second at kindergarten. I really cried a bit. And yes, I was emotional last year, when my eldest went off to kindergarten. I can’t guarantee that I won’t cry some more.

It’s hard seeing your kids grow up, and go off and do their own thing. As much as we want to be there, and protect them, and all that, we can’t always do that, and that is one thing that can be hard. For some anyway.

Yes, as much as I do enjoy seeing them grow, learn, and develop personalities of their own, there is still a part of that wishes they could still stay small. Well, sometimes anyway. I do find that it’s going to fast. I wish time could slow down a little. But sadly, I don’t have that ability. Unfortunately, we just can’t make time slow down.

So, yes, it has been somewhat bittersweet this week. It has been emotional. However, it wasn’t ADHD-related. It has all been related to being a mom and having kids going to school and growing up.

Shame Does Make an Appearance. Often.

When you have ADHD/ADD, shame is something that often comes with the territory to say the least. It is something that I have often felt, and it would seem that the sense of shame is very common for those of us with ADHD/ADD. It would seem that I am not the only ADHDer/ADDer who feels shame often.

We often feel shame when we feel that we’ve done something wrong, despite the fact that we haven’t really done anything wrong at all. And this usually happens often. At least, in my case, it does seem to be the case, and it wouldn’t surprise me if I wasn’t the only one.

Although I was diagnosed early in life, or at least earlier than others, I do still struggle with a sense of shame. I have often felt shame about things that I know are out of my control. I have felt ashamed if I process information more slowly, or if I become really emotional pretty quickly, or not being able to organize my thoughts coherently. These are just some things I feel ashamed about. But trust me, there is a long list. We’d probably be here for a while, so that’s why I’m only giving you a few examples. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only ADHDer/ADDer who has felt shame over these kinds of things.

And there are probably other things as well that we may feel shame about, such as missing a deadline, or being late for a meeting or an appointment.

Life with ADHD/ADD is hard, and we do feel shame about these sorts of things. We do feel shame about so many things that aren’t really within our control. We may not be able to control some of these things, but we’ll still feel ashamed. I think the main is that it’s because we feel that we should be able to control how we handle our emotions, or think coherently. At least, that’s how I feel. I feel that I should be able to do all of this.

Let’s face it, though, as much as we may feel shame and would like to change, we can’t. It’s just the way that our brain is wired. Yes, there are some things that we should be able to do, but that’s not the way we are. Our brains are wired differently. We are different. So, instead of feeling shame, we should try and accept it. Focus on the positive traits of our ADHD/ADD brains instead of feeling ashamed of the things we can’t do. Sure, there are things that we can’t do, and may feel ashamed and that we’re not good enough, but there are other things that we can do and are good at. Sometimes, we just need to take time and focus on those, instead of feeling ashamed of all the things that we struggle with due to our ADHD/ADD brain.

Maybe something else we need is to have someone to help us, when we do feel ashamed. Whether it’s a friend, or someone else with ADHD/ADD, or therapist, it can be nice to know that we have someone there to listen and/or who can understand what we’re going through. Sometimes, it’s just nice to have someone there to listen.

There are things that we can do to stop the shame from taking over. These are just some suggestions.

I know that it’s easier said than done. I have felt ashamed so many times. I’ve been there, done that. But we shouldn’t let that shame take over. We should try and make a change. Recognize when we are feeling shame/ashamed, and try to change that thought into something positive. After all, we do have something to offer and we are worth it, even though it may not always feel like it.
Let’s remember that we are good enough.

Here are some other articles to read that can help when shame seems to be taking over.

Picture credit: Pixabay

That kind of emotional week, huh?

Well, yes, it kind of has been. It hasn’t been the easiest week for me. I have been feeling emotionally low. I can’t really say how it started, as nothing really happen for me to start feeling this way. I just started feeling low over the weekend. It wasn’t something someone said or did. It just happened.

But then the work week started. And I did make some mistakes. Nothing major, but things that could be avoided. I wasn’t paying as close attention as I should have. I wasn’t getting all the info or the right ones. I wasn’t maybe taking as much time to understand something as I should have. Thankfully, I was able to correct some of these things, and as I have said, it wasn’t anything major that I couldn’t correct, but some of these things are part of how my ADHD/ADD brain works.

Anyway, these things have affected how I’ve felt. I felt low before, but making some mistakes didn’t help. It hasn’t been easy.

Some of the things that I have done are pretty normal and common for someone with ADHD/ADD. I am well aware of that. And they are sometimes mistakes that we do often make. But that being said, it doesn’t mean that they are things we want to. We don’t do these things on purpose. We don’t intentionally go out of our way to make mistakes or not pay close attention to things. They just happen. Unfortunately.

Yes, my ADHD/ADD brain is different and works differently. It is a fact that I have accepted and come to terms with. I am okay with it. It is something that I can work with.

However, that doesn’t mean that my emotions are on the same page and won’t be affected, when things happen, like I miss a detail or I don’t understand something as quickly as I should or would like to. My emotions aren’t quite there yet. My emotions aren’t on the same page as my brain or that part of me who accepts that I have ADHD/ADD and that my brain is different.

So, even now, having ADHD/ADD is still affecting me emotionally. So, if I miss a detail, or take longer to understand something, or something, guilt, low self-esteem, sadness, and such may be present. Yes, I will still feel these emotions when I do something that I know I probably should be able to do a lot more easily.

Alright, I know that a lot of it isn’t quite my fault. A lot of it is due to how my brain works. It works differently, and there isn’t a whole lot that I can do to change that. I can’t change how my brain works and is wired. I know of all this. Anyone who has ADHD/ADD may know this. Yes, there are things we can do to help, but we do still have ADHD/ADD and do things differently.

So, yes, it has been an emotional week for me. It hasn’t been easy. Sure, it could have been a lot worse, and I am grateful that it wasn’t, but even then, it’s been hard. I’m sure that those of you with ADHD/ADD can relate. I’m sure that you do understand how it can sometimes feel like when you just feel low and then it affects your work, or how you do things. It’s hard emotionally.

I am sure that things will be better at some point, but right now things haven’t been easy. So, I’m just trying to take it one things at a time, and try to handle to them as best as I can. That’s all I can really do. Whether others understand it or not, that’s really all I can do. I am different. I will do and learn differently.

So, to all ADHDers/ADDers, who have had hard times, or going through hard times, let’s stay strong. Let’s be strong together. We can all do this, and it can be easier if and when we support each other. We all need support and sometimes it’s best when it comes from people who understand what we’re going through.

Picture credit: Pixabay

Budget despite having ADHD/ADD

Finances can be an issue if you have ADHD/ADD. This requires planning and not being too impulsive with purchases and thinking things through and such, which are common traits for those of us with ADHD/ADD. These traits make things like handling finances and budgeting a bit of a challenge, to say the least. At least, it is, if you have ADHD/ADD, or possibly terrible with finances. (And yes, I do know people without ADHD/ADD who struggle with finances.)

So, despite not being good at planning and a little impulsive with money sometimes, budgeting, saving and be careful with money is something that I want to do. It is something that I know I can do. Now that my husband and I are both working and have incomes, I feel it is a good time to start thinking about these things. A good time to budget, pay stuff off, save, and just get a handle on our finances. It does make it easier now, as we have two incomes as opposed to just one.

As much as planning, tracking, and all that may be a challenge and not always the most exciting and ADHD-friendly thing to do, we do still need to stay on top of our finances. It is a part of being an adult. Yes, it is dull, but we do need to adult and face our finances, whether we like it or not.

There are a few ADHD/ADD-friendly methods to address and manage your finances.
– Pay yourself first. I’m sure many of us are trying to save for something or other. This is where savings come in. When you get paid, put money into your savings right away. Having some savings for whatever you’re saving for is always a good idea. It’s a smart thing to have. There are a lot of different savings accounts out there that can help you save. And there are other ways to save as well. Doing it first when you get paid is a good way of doing it.
– Track your spending. Being able to do it all online and see it online is definitely helpful and good for those of us with ADHD/ADD. We can now easily now what we have in our account without having to run to the bank or spending time balancing chequebooks. We don’t have to do this to find out. This is a good tool to have. You know exactly what you have wherever you are.
– Make some payments automatic. Let’s face it, ADHDers/ADDers can easily forget. No surprise there. So, this can be a good way to get things paid, if you have a tendency of forgetting.

So, here are a few suggestions.

Here are some things that I do and have found helpful.
– When I get paid, I put some money into my savings account. Yes, I just started doing it, as I haven’t been at my job for too long. Only a little over a month. But it’s a habit that I have gotten into and it’s going fairly well so far.
– I tend to check my balance everyday. I like knowing what I have in my account, knowing what I have to spend, and making sure that no payment bounces. So, I have my banking app on my phone, which does mean that I can check it any time. Whether I’m at home, or at work, or at the store.

So, these are some things that I have the habit of doing. Working on my finances is all a work in progress. Much like a lot of other things. But I am just starting.

Hopefully, this has been helpful for you guys. Here are also some other articles for you, if you would like to get more tips. Enjoy!

Picture Credit: Pixabay

Bored? Yes. Often.

Yes, I know that boredom happens to everyone. Everyone gets bored sometimes, right? However, if you have ADHD/ADD, it’s different. We can and do get bored more easily and more often. We don’t plan to. We don’t necessarily want to or intend to. It just happens. Whether we’re talking about a kid with ADHD/ADD or an adult with ADHD/ADD, we just get bored easily. It’s really unintentional for the most part, but it still happens.

It’s how our brains work. The part that should keep us interested or focused or not be bored doesn’t work like it does for non-ADHD/ADD people. It’s all about how our brain is wired. Our brains are wired differently. This is the simplest explanation.

If i can, maybe I’ll go into more technical terms at a later time. It can get tricky and complicated for some. Myself included. For now, this is the simplest explanation and I’ll still with this one.

There are definitely ways to keep us from being bored and getting bored.
– find activities that are interesting to the person/child with ADHD/ADD
– get a job that you enjoy and that is stimulating (and yes I know that this can be difficult)
– find ways to stay busy in some ways

These are some suggestions. I know we don’t always have the means or opportunities to get a job we love and suits our ADHD/ADD brains. And sometimes our lives can be hectic and we can’t always find interesting activities for us or for our ADHD/ADD kids.

I do understand that there are a lot of variables that come into play. And that it’s not always easy. However these are just some suggestions. There are probably many more.

I think that the important thing is to find ways to adapt life to suit our ADHD/ADD brains.

I know that life can be a challenge for anyone, whether you have ADHD/ADD or not. But at the end of the day, all we can do is the best we can with what we have and with who we are. And sometimes, instead of adapting ourselves to society and life, we have to adapt our life to us a bit.

Here are some other articles on ADHD/ADD and boredom for those who are interested.

So, what’s it like?

Now, this is a question that I have been asked a couple of times. “What is it like to have ADHD/ADD?” I’m sure I’m not the only person with ADHD/ADD who’s been asked this question. I’m sure that other people will probably ask us this question again. It’s probably not the last time we will hear this question. I can understand that some people are curious and would like to know and try to understand. And that’s absolutely fine with me.

Honestly, though, I’m not always sure how to best answer this question. It can be difficult to explain to someone what it is and what it’s like to have ADHD/ADD. It’s not always the easiest thing to do. It’s not the easiest thing to explain.

However, there are some ways that we can explain. I’m sure that other ADHDers/ADDers, like myself, have found ways to explain it. So, here are two examples for me.

Here’s the first.
Imagine you’re in a room with 25+ TVs. But all TVs are showing something different. No TV is showing the same show or the same thing. And everything that is being shown is important. It can difficult to focus on one thing when there are so many things to look at and focus on.

Here is another:
I’m sure many of you know when a hamster starts running in it’s wheel. It runs and runs and runs. Our thought process can be like that. It is just as fast. As soon as a thought enters our mind, it just leaves. Just as quickly as a hamster on its wheel. Our brain just never stops.

So, these are some ways I can describe what it’s like to have ADHD/ADD. I know that there are loads of other ways of doing it. But these are just two examples.

Some may ask, “Well, isn’t this normal for everyone?” Or even ask, “Aren’t we all a little ADHD/ADD?”

Well, this is normal if you have ADHD/ADD. It’s not ‘normal’ for everyone. And no, we’re not all a little ADHD/ADD.

There is so much more to ADHD/ADD than just this. These are just two examples of ways to explain it. These are just some ways to explain some of the things that goes on inside of us ALL THE TIME. Every day, every hour, every minute, every sec. Whether it’s at work, or at home, or at school. It’s with us wherever we go and all the time. It’s not something that we can just shut off. We can try to find ways to manage these things, but it’s still something that we do have deal with.

There’s a lot to having ADHD/ADD. It’s not something that is simple. It’s challenging to find a way to explain what it’s like to have ADHD/ADD. It’s easy to find the right way of explaining what it’s like and answering this question. I haven’t quite found the perfect or ideal answer.

I guess one reason for this probably is that there are so many things involved with ADHD/ADD, and it does affect each ADHDer/ADDer differently. So, it’s really not the same for everyone.

So, at the end of the day, there won’t be one unifying way of explaining what it’s like to have ADHD/ADD. There won’t really be one simple explanation. We each have our own experiences and thoughts about it.

If you want to read a little about this, here is another article for you.

My struggles

I’ll admit that this week hasn’t quite been the easiest. I have struggled. It has been hard. But these challenges and struggles haven’t been some that others can see. Let’s face it though, you can’t see ADHD, and so the struggles that we have to face aren’t always visible to others, who don’t have it. It can be really difficult to describe.

There have been times, when I have forgotten to get all the information and had to go back and get all the information. I have overreacted a couple times, when I should have stayed calm, at times when most would probably stay calm. Forgotten to do something that someone asked me to do. There have been several things that I know I should be able to do on my own, as an adult, but somehow cannot seem to manage to do. So many things. Things I don’t really want to admit to, as it can be hard to admit to, but I still know that they happened. And it’s hard.

Sure, many adults with or without ADHD/ADD can admit to these things. Some might think that I may be exaggerating, or overeating, or something. But for those of you reading this who do have ADHD/ADD, I’m sure you can imagine and relate to what I’m saying. That our struggles are different from others. Not necessarily worse or anything like that. Just very different.

We struggle in ways that are different from those without ADHD/ADD. In ways that others may just not understand. Or may not want to understand.

And it can be very hard for us to explain. Even this person really wants to understand, it can be really difficult to explain just exactly how hard it is. But I guess that can be said for anything. Even for me, it can be difficult to understand something that I have never experienced or gone through.

So, to go back to what I was saying, it has been a bit of a difficult week. At work and at home. Some weeks/days are more of a struggle than others. The last few days, this week so far, has been more of a challenge. I’m not saying that I haven’t had some nice moments, moments when I am happy, or feeling good about myself, or anything like that. It’s not what I’m saying at all, but I’m just saying that it’s just been one of those weeks when I have struggled. When my ADHD/ADD hasn’t quite made things easy for me.

I am definitely trying not to let my ADHD/ADD define me, but I do have to remember that it is still a part of me and I have been reminded of that this week. Not that I wasn’t aware of it before or anything, but sometimes I’m just reminded of it more than others.

As hard as it has been, at least now I’m making some changes. 10 years ago, I was still kind of in denial, didn’t really want to admit that I had it, even though I knew that I did have it. Now I am accepting that it is a part of me and I am trying to adjust how I do things and find ways to get things done in ADHD/ADD-friendly ways. Or at least, it’s something that I am working on. It’s all a work in progress. But it is coming. At some point. Okay, those of you who have ADHD/ADD know what I mean and will understand.

So, I know this hasn’t quite been like many of my previous posts, but this week I felt that I did need to get this off my chest. I felt that I needed to share some of my struggles. Okay, I know I didn’t go into details. Not sure if I’m quite ready to mention somethings into specifics, but I still wanted to get some of it off my chest. It wasn’t an easy week. Especially emotionally.

So thank you for reading. Whether this is the first post of mine that you have read, or whether this is one of several that you have read, thank you for reading.

Picture credit Pixabay